Posted by Sullivan Lawson | Posted in Geography, Politics, Sports
Posted on 28-08-2012 | E-mail this to a friend
ATHENS. The Scoring Committee of the International Olympics Committee has reached an impasse over how to score the new Olympic sport of “being mean” to be first offered at the 2016 Summer Games.
Four years ago the International Committee approved “being mean” as a sport in a commendable effort to fully recognize the important contributions made by “every segment of humanity.” Primarily advocated by warlords from Afghanistan and Somalia and two former military officers from the Balkans who are sought by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity, the competitors will have to exhibit “inappropriate cruelty” toward various categories of vulnerable people, such as the elderly or orphans.
In order to provide specific guidance to the international cast of judges for this competition, the Scoring Committee has been considering various combinations of objective skills such as the creative use of force, elegant harsh words, offensive tone of voice, and mean-but-not-too-mean facial expressions.
The new sport has triggered a host of issues surrounding who is eligible to participate in the 2016 Summer Games. Warlords from 16 areas of Afghanistan and 37 parts of Africa have already filed the necessary petitions to be recognized as Sovereign Areas which can send four-man teams to compete. Two biker gangs and four German skinhead groups have also submitted applications.
Hector Lopez, speaking for the Olympics Committee, released a statement that “we fully expect to sort through the petitions in plenty of time for the athletes to prepare for this exciting new competition.”