TOLEDO. In the middle of the night Ralph the Owl gave birth to a half owl, half human baby to the amazement of staff at the Toledo zoo.
“Apparently Ralph should have been named Susan,” said an embarrassed zoo veterinarian who refused to identify himself. “We blew it, I guess. We have had Ralph—I mean Susan—for twelve years and thought he was a he. I hate to say that no one actually looked.”
When asked about the half owl, half human baby, the same veterinarian said that this was not shocking. “Animals and humans have combined for years. Have you ever heard of Tarzan? Yogi Berra? This is the first example of a half owl, half person but we have long known it was theoretically possible,” said the anonymous vet.
“We do not know who the father is but we are checking closely to see who had access to Ralph. If we find the scoundrel, some kind of child support lawsuit may be instituted.”
“We are going to have a national contest to name the tyke,” announced Felipe Bossert, publicist for the zoo. “In the meantime, we are taking excellent care of the baby. He has already begun to say a baby version of ‘ooooo. And he really seems to like spiders and worms.”