Random Featured Post

PRESIDENT BUSH CONDEMNS AL QUAEDA AND OTHER MUSLIMIST SUPPORTERS

UPPER MENNETONKA.  In a speech to the VFW in Upper Minnetonka, Minnesota, President Bush made a scathing attack on what he called the “interfidelity of the Muslimists.”   Speaking before a friendly crowd of 450 people wearing thin black... Read More

PHARMACEUTICAL MIRACLE: PILLS HAVE ONLY HARMFUL EFFECTS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Business, History, Human Body, Inventions, Nature, Studies of the Rich
Posted on 27-04-2015 | E-mail this to a friend

photoStockholm: The pharmaceutical giant Novamed has just released the first-ever pills that have absolutely no medicinal value but have over one hundred possible adverse side effects, including death,  shrunken testicles, and loss of virginity.

The new product, called OnleeBadium, has a four-page, bold-faced label listing 117 bad side effects. The manufacturer will soon begin an advertising campaign calling OnleeBadium the “Most Honest Drug on the Planet.”

First this ground-breaking product states in bold, capital 16 point font:  THIS PRODUCT HAS NO KNOWN OR UNKNOWN MEDICAL USE.

Continuing the admirably transparent approach, the label then specifies some of the more serious potential side effects, including, in bold letters, SUDDEN AND PAINFUL DEATH, INTERNAL BLEEDING, BONE LOSS, HAIR THINNING OR LOSS, PIMPLES, SORE MUSCLES, MUSCLE ATROPHY, LOSS OF VIRGINITY, ERECTILE DISFUNCTION, BODY SHRINKAGE, DEAFNESS, BLINDNESS, FINGERNAIL LOSS, TONGUE PAIN, TONSIL ENLARGEMENT, LUNG BLOCKAGE OR TOTAL LACK OF LUNG FUNCTION, HEART VALVE DESTRUCTION, MEASLES, BUMPS, ENLARGED GIZZARD, POLIO, COMMON COLD, ACUTE FATTY LIVER, ACHALASIA, FOCAL DYSTONIA, FOX-FORDYCE DISEASE, HYPODONTIA OF INCISORS AND PREMOLARS, LEPTOSPIROSIS, MASTOCYTOSIS, POLYCYTHEMIA VERA, SENOR SYNDROME, SYNDACTYLY TYPE 3, XANTHINURIA TYPES 1 AND 2, 11-BETA-HYDROXYLAST DEFICIENCY, CONE-ROD DYSTROPHY 2, CHORDOMA, BOURNEVILLE SYNDROME, CIGUATERA FISH POISONING, DFNB1, FRIAS SYNDROME, HEMORRHAGIC FEVER, IDIOPATHIC JUXTAFOVEAL RETINAL TELANGIECT, INFAN TILE AXONAL NEUROPATHY, LICHEN PLANUS PIGMENTOSUS, MICHELIN TIRE BABY SYNDROME, MYCETOMA, SARCOIDOSIS, SPONDYLOCOSTAL DYSOSTOSIS 1, IODINE ANTENATAL INFECTION, INFANTILE STRIATO THALAMIC DEGENERATION, FOX-FORDYCE DISEASE, AND JUBERG MARSIDI SYNDROME.

As soon as OnleeBadium was released, the stock of Novamed tripled in value as venture capitalists throughout the world rushed to invest in this first-ever miracle drug.

Walter Bailey, a welder in Manchester, England, expressed the almost universal reaction when he told a reporter, “I can’t wait to buy OnleeBadium. Next week you can get it without a prescription at my local chemist. The cost is high but I think it will be worth it. What an opportunity to experience something new!”

ADORABLE GIRL ANNOUNCES FOR PRESIDENTIAL RUN IN 2056

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Business, Election 2056, History, Politics
Posted on 22-04-2015 | E-mail this to a friend

unnamed[3]NEW YORK.  In a startling announcement, a really cute five-month old baby has formally announced she is a Democrat candidate for President of the United States in 2056 and has provided a platform likely to be quite attractive to many voters.

“I am sick and tired of these politicians,” said Charlotte Kennedy from her crib in a Manhattan apartment [see photo on right] where she was already practicing her acceptance speech.  “Blah, blah, blah.  That’s all they say,” she said.  “We need courageous solutions, not just words.”  She then slobbered a slight amount and announced her bold Ten Points for America.”

  1. I will be for the American people who are all Outstanding Americans, even those who don’t really look like it.
  2. I think America is the best country in the world and Americans are the smartest, most creative, and mightiest people on earth and all other countries suck.
  3. I will not waste money, decrease expenditures, or increase taxes.  Government assistance for child care or milk subsidies is not wasting money.
  4. I will work with members of all parties in order to get diaper changing tables in men’s bathrooms all over this great country.
  5. I will enact tax reform to simplify the tax code without compromising important provisions and will increase the tax exemption for adorable children.
  6. I will solve the immigration problem without providing amnesty or letting in people who should not be let in.
  7. I will encourage SAFE gun practices including limiting childrens’ access to machine guns, bazookas, and small atomic weapons.
  8. I will protect the air and water while providing an environment allowing businesses to flourish without job-killing government regulations.  My first act as President will be to issue a regulation stating that putting a slide in a park is not harmful to the environment.
  9. I will have a strong role in international events without committing American money or troops anywhere.
  10. I will not steal anything from the White House.

Randolph Macon, head of the local Democratic Party, called Ms. Kennedy “a breath of fresh air.  Just what the people need.”  Macon’s sentiment was echoed by street interviews.  A few signs have even appeared, declaring “Kennedys Make Great Presidents” and “It’s Time for Another Kennedy.”