Random Featured Post

BOY PUT DOWN AFTER BEING BITTEN BY DOG

BEAVERTON, ORE.  A boy, bitten by a neighbor’s dog, was put to sleep when neighbors complained to police that they feared the tragedy could happen again.  Bobby Fishman, the three-year old son of Maxine and David Fishman, was bitten by Felix,... Read More

ARCHAEOLOGISTS FIND REAL OPENING TO HELL IN CENTRAL PARK DIG

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Geography, History, Nature, Religion
Posted on 05-12-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

New York.   Archaeologists from the famed Museum of Natural History confirmed that a research team digging in northwest Central Park found the actual entrance to Hell located about two feet beneath the surface near a trash bin.

“Our research team was stunned, to say the least,” said Dr. Frances Martin, head of the project.  “We were looking for artifacts from the revolutionary war and came upon a rather large opening about twenty feet in diameter that seemed very warm inside.  We inserted a probe about 100 feet and recorded a significant increase in temperature in the deeper regions.”

“As soon as I realized that we had discovered the entryway to Hell, we immediately covered up the hole to prevent anyone from inadvertently falling in,” continued Martin.  “We are now discussing whether to continue research in the area or abandon the project and let well enough alone.”

Religious leaders from around the world have widely condemned the research as invading the province of the churches.  “Hell is our business, not some scientist,” said a high-ranking member of a fundamentalist church who refused to be identified because of concerns that he may go to Hell if discovered.  Jewish leaders agreed though noted that their faith does not exactly embrace the concept of Hell.

The only significant group to demand further exploration was the biker group “Hell’s Angels.”  Albert “Snuffer” Haynes, speaking for the club, demanded “immediate access to the site so his club members could experience what Hell is really like,” an experience Haynes claimed was protected by the First Amendment’s guarantee of freedom to travel.  Haynes did not rule out the possibility that the Angels would try to make Hell their official headquarters.  “We are consulting counsel about it,” he said.

 

OWL GIVES BIRTH TO OWL-BOY; FATHER UNKNOWN

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Animals, Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Nature, Sex Matters
Posted on 02-12-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

TOLEDO.  In the middle of the night  Ralph the Owl gave birth to a half owl, half human baby to the amazement of staff at the Toledo zoo.

“Apparently Ralph should have been named Susan,” said an embarrassed zoo veterinarian who refused to identify himself.  “We blew it, I guess.  We have had Ralph—I mean Susan—for twelve years and thought he was a he.  I hate to say that no one actually looked.”

When asked about the half owl, half human baby, the same veterinarian said that this was not shocking. “Animals and humans have combined for years.  Have you ever heard of Tarzan?  Yogi Berra? This is the first example of a half owl, half person but we have long known it was theoretically possible,” said the anonymous vet.

“We do not know who the father is but we are checking closely to see who had access to Ralph.  If we find the scoundrel, some kind of child support lawsuit may be instituted.”

“We are going to have a national contest to name the tyke,” announced Felipe Bossert, publicist for the zoo.   “In the meantime, we are taking excellent care of the baby.  He has already begun to say a baby version of ‘ooooo.  And he really seems to like spiders and worms.”