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MALE EQUIVALENT OF WORD “SLUT” DISCOVERED

 NEW HAVEN, CT–A paper published by a Yale English professor in the prestigious Journal of the English Language reported that he and his research team have solved the ancient problem of finding the male equivalent of the word “slut.”  Professor... Read More

SURVEY: TELEVISION PERSONALITY AND WARLORD ARE BEST JOBS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Business, Geography, History, Sports, Studies of the Rich
Posted on 16-03-2015 | E-mail this to a friend

what-you-need-to-do-at-career-fairs_16001154_800833131_0_0_14037941_500[1]Washington.  The International Survey Foundation announced the results of its first poll of The Best Job in the World, showing marked and unexpected diversity among regions.

The poll of random people in 168 countries produced some startling results. Each respondent was asked to name “the best job in the world.”   In the United States, by far the most preferred career was “Television Personality.”  Most respondents reasoned that this is the only full time job where you can get paid millions and have no idea why or have anything to do.  “Professional Athlete” was a distant second among Americans.  The third choice was “Having a Rich Daddy” though some academics have questioned whether this is really a job.  “Getting a Fat Allowance”, however, was universally considered to be a legitimate job and finished ninth in the American poll.

In Afghanistan the results were quite different.   Over 90% of respondents indicated that being a “Warlord” was the best job in the world.  “Goat Herding” was a distant second followed by “Shooting People.”  Interestingly, ”Shooting People” was only eleventh in the American poll.

The only unanimous poll occurred in Australia where 100% of 84,000 respondents said “Being in a Beer Commercial” was the best job in the world.

No surprisingly, the Vatican poll showed “Being Pope” as a popular choice.  However, there was a strange and unexplained divergence since over 100,000 males overwhelmingly voted this way but only three women did.

 

OLYMPIC COMMITTEE FINALLY ADDS “SHOE” TO OLYMPIC GAMES

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Geography, History, Inventions, Sports
Posted on 02-03-2015 | E-mail this to a friend

iphone pictures 2-2015 055Berlin. In response to widespread public pressure from every corner of the globe, the International Olympic Committee has finally added “shoe” to the 2020 Winter Olympic Games.  It is expected at least 175 countries will enter both individual and team competitions.

Reflecting the social media-prompted craze, the game of shoe has essentially taken over the world sport scene. Attendance at soccer, baseball, and American football is at an all-time low. On September 16, 2014, for example, while only 18 people saw the New York Yankees play the Boston Red Sox for the American league championship, many millions were at home playing shoe and an estimated one billion people in 120 countries watched the nail-biting match between top-rated teams from Iceland and Kenya, won by Kenya on the last play of the contest.

A deceptively simply game, shoe involves strategically placing two shoes on the outside (cannot be on the inside) of a door but no more than eight inches from the door itself. Points are allocated based on the type of shoe, the angle(s) and heights of the shoes, and, most importantly, the creativity in using the limited space and the two shoes.

Players take turns manipulating the shoes with points allocated after each move. The photo to the upper right depicts the Wymann Gambit first played in 1994 by Alphonse Wymann of the Netherlands who placed two crossed orange flip flop shoes in the center of the door with one resting on its heel and the other on its toe and, obviously, won the match with the best total score in the history of the game.   No one had ever made this innovative play before and Wymann was the unanimous choice as the 1997 Shoe Player of the Year.

The game is over when the referees declare “time” and declare a winner. A unique feature of shoe is that the winner is not necessarily the person with the higher point score or even with a decent score. The refs have the discretion to declare the winner to be the athlete with the lower score. In addition, the referees decide how long the match lasts, ranging from a few seconds to four months. This unusual approach to timekeeping and scoring keeps fans’interest at a feverish high until the winner is announced.

OLYMPIC COMMITTEE STUMPED OVER SCORING NEW “MEAN” SPORT

Posted by Sullivan Lawson | Posted in Geography, Politics, Sports
Posted on 28-08-2012 | E-mail this to a friend

ATHENS. The Scoring Committee of the International Olympics Committee has reached an impasse over how to score the new Olympic sport of “being mean” to be first offered at the 2016 Summer Games.

Four years ago the International Committee approved “being mean” as a sport in a commendable effort to fully recognize the important contributions made by “every segment of humanity.”  Primarily advocated by warlords from Afghanistan and Somalia and two former military officers from the Balkans who are sought by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity, the competitors will have to exhibit “inappropriate cruelty” toward various categories of vulnerable people, such as the elderly or orphans.

In order to provide specific guidance to the international cast of judges for this competition, the Scoring Committee has been considering various combinations of objective skills such as the creative use of force, elegant harsh words, offensive tone of voice, and mean-but-not-too-mean facial expressions.

The new sport has triggered a host of issues surrounding who is eligible to participate in the 2016 Summer Games. Warlords from 16 areas of Afghanistan and 37 parts of Africa have already filed the necessary petitions to be recognized as Sovereign Areas which can send four-man teams to compete. Two biker gangs and four German skinhead groups have also submitted applications.

Hector Lopez, speaking for the Olympics Committee, released a statement that “we fully expect to sort through the petitions in plenty of time for the athletes to prepare for this exciting new competition.”

OLYMPICS ADD KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE TELLING FOR 2016

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Arts, Geography, History, Sports
Posted on 13-08-2012 | E-mail this to a friend

2016 Olympians

ATHENS. The International Olympics Committee shocked the sports world by announcing even another innovation for the 2016 Summer Games: knock-knock joke telling.

As reported first in Sort of the News in October 2011, the Committee already added six new games for 2016: killing someone, running from a tiger, getting impaled by a sword, drinking mead, getting revenge, and walking like a duck.

The most recent announcement by Hector Lopez for the Committee involves telling the most knock-knock jokes in 1 minute, 37 seconds. The rules require the athlete to assume both roles in the knock-knock dialogue which must be presented in either English or standard sign language. The athlete must laugh sincerely after each knock-knock joke for at least 3 seconds.

“We are continuing to listen to the billions of Olympic fans who have demanded the new sport which has overtaken the international imagination,” said Lopez. “While in the past the youngest athlete to compete was 15 years old, with the new knock-knock sport we anticipate athletes as young as four and as old as 107 may be able to enter the contest.”

OLYMPIC GAMES RETURN TO ROOTS WITH WEIRD NEW GAMES

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Geography, History, Leisure, Sports
Posted on 10-11-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

ATHENS.  The International Olympics Committee today announced a major return to historical roots and added six traditional games and deleted four current groups of events.

The press release stated that the Committee decided to reinvigorate the Olympics by returning to the games that were played when the Olympics were first held in 776 BC.   “We must go back to our roots when the games were convened in Olympia in honor of Zeus,” said Hector Lopez for the Olympics Committee.

Starting in 2014, six new sports will be added:  killing someone, running from a tiger, getting impaled by a sword, drinking mead, getting revenge, and walking like a duck.

Because of time constraints, the following sports will no longer be sanctioned:  all track and field events, all events involving snow, and anything using a ball.

Lopez said proudly, “To further experience our origins, we will now start the games by sacrificing 100 oxen.  Our officials will use sundials to time the events and everyone, including swimmers, must wear a toga.  It will be a true renaissance!”

The world sporting community reacted enthusiastically to the changes.  “Track and field and skiing were getting boring,” said Woljkxwrr Bprwqthxbwz of the Polish Olympic Community.  “Our athletes are already beginning to train for the exciting new events.”