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DENTAL FLOSS NOT GOOD TOILET PAPER

RED CLAY, COLORADO. A man who manufactures more dental floss than anyone in the world concedes that it does not make good toilet paper. When John Robertson, president of the world’s largest manufacturer of dental floss was vacationing in his remote... Read More

PERRY LIMITED IN MATH SKILLS SAYS SECOND GRADE TEACHER

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Election 2012, Geography, Politics
Posted on 10-11-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

Paint Creek, TX.   Rick Perry’s second grade teacher, Matilda Gonzalez, explained Governor Rick Perry’s inability in a Republican debate to remember the third of three federal departments he would close .  She recalled that he never learned to count to more than two.

“He was a bit, well, not the sharpest spur on the boots,” said Gonzalez who taught Perry when he was a seven year-old child in the small West Texas town of Paint Creek. “All the other kids in the second grade could count to 100 but poor Ricky was stuck on two.  He just couldn’t get in his mind that there were numbers above two.”

“We worried about him, of course, but were confident he would not have to use his rather poor math skills doing day labor in Paint Creek.  We were shocked when he became a politician.  But then we realized that where could you get a good job other than politics if you couldn’t count above two.”

GINGRICH THROWN OUT OF REPUBLICAN PARTY FOR REMARKS ABOUT OBAMA KIDS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Election 2012, Politics
Posted on 17-10-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

WASHINGTON.  The Republican Party officially kicked out Newt Gingrich for saying possibly nice things about President Obama’s  kids.

The issue arose during a campaign dinner appearance by former House Speaker Newt Gingrich in Iowa at the Ames Republican Club.  In the question-and-answer period after his well-received speech where he gave a vicious critique of every aspect of the Obama presidency, Gingrich was asked about his views of the Obama family.  “I guess the kids are OK,” answered Gingrich.

Persons present said the room went silent. Philippa Anderson who was there said,  “You could hear a pin drop.  Then the boos started, low key at first, then overwhelming.”  Gingrich looked startled and left the podium when the outraged crowd began to throw food, glasses, and small waiters.

Late that night after a rushed telephone conference call the Republican National Committee formally ousted Gingrich and issued a public apology.  “Newt violated the First Principle of Republicanism:  Never, ever say anything nice about Hussein Obama or anything he has anything to do with.”

Gingrich issued his own statement apologizing for the “slip up.”  “In the heat of a campaign sometimes a candidate will unintentionally say something flat out wrong.  What I meant to say was that I am sure the kids are at risk of serious mental harm by their constant exposure to socialism and anti-American thought that permeates the Obama White House. At the least, the child welfare authorities should launch an intensive investigation that will likely lead to having the kids removed from the Obama influence and placed in a real American home.”

 

BACHMANN WANTS TEA PARTY TO ADOPT HEADLESS HORSEMAN AS ITS OFFICIAL MASCOT

Posted by Sullivan Lawson | Posted in Election 2012, History, Inventions, Politics, Religion
Posted on 27-01-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

Washington.  In a speech to Tea Party loyalists, Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann called on the Tea Party to adopt the Headless Horseman as its official mascot.

“”I suggest that the Tea Party adopt the Headless Horseman as its symbol and mascot,” said a beaming Bachmann addressing a small crowd of cheering Tea Party activists in Washington to protest both a government-gone-wild with excess spending and the possible cut in Social Security and Medicare benefits to elderly Americans.

Bachmann enthusiastically yelled, “What could be more appropriate than this Revolutionary War symbol that celebrates George Washington’s God-inspired walk across the top of the waters of the Potomac when he uttered the words that Americans will never forget, ‘I cannot sell a pie.’”

When asked for a comment, MSNBC host Chris Matthews screeched, “She’s an idiot!  She knows nothing about American history.  The Headless Horseman is in a work of fiction by Washington Irving.  And George Washington said, ‘I cannot tell a lie,’ not ‘I cannot sell a pie.’”

Bachmann’s response to Matthews HeadlessHorsemanwas pithy and biting, “He’s an idiot who knows nothing about American history.”

Matthews’ response to Bachmann’s response was short and sweet.  “She’s an idiot.”

President Obama, choosing to walk the middle ground in this now spirited public dispute, was quoted as saying, “I can understand both of their views but it is now the time to move ahead and drastically cut federal spending without removing any benefits from anyone.  I know we can do it.  Remember, we are Americans. We invented the internet and everything else.”