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PRESIDENT BUSH CONDEMNS AL QUAEDA AND OTHER MUSLIMIST SUPPORTERS

UPPER MENNETONKA.  In a speech to the VFW in Upper Minnetonka, Minnesota, President Bush made a scathing attack on what he called the “interfidelity of the Muslimists.”   Speaking before a friendly crowd of 450 people wearing thin black... Read More

MISSISSIPPI ADDS RIGHT SHOE AS OFFICIAL STATE SHOE

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Business, Geography, History, Inventions, Leisure, Politics
Posted on 02-03-2015 | E-mail this to a friend

259196_stock-photo-old-bootJackson, Mississippi.  As part of a larger plan to attract businesses and tourists to Mississippi, Governor Buddy Ray Baldwin announced that the legislature had just selected the right shoe as the Official Shoe of Mississippi.

“For several years now our progressive legislature has been enacting laws designed to make Mississippi even more appealing to businesses and tourists from all over the world,” said Governor Baldwin.  “When someone pointed out we have an official Tree and an Official Bird but do not have an Official Shoe, the legislature sprong (sic) into action.   A subcommittee was formed in each house, over 600 extensive hearings were conducted both in Jackson and around the State, and it became clear that the citizens of this Great State wanted the right shoe as their Official Shoe. This became even more compelling when the Senate Committee discovered that Mississippi would be the first state in the Union to have an Official State Shoe. ”

“The right shoe was selected, “continued the Governor, “because it shows clearly that this Great State is right-leaning and God-fearing;  not one of the Communist left-leaning States like California and New York.  I understand they are both considering making marijuana their state plant.  In contrast, our decision shows plainly that Mississippians are working folk because every worker in the State wears a right shoe;  it is required by safety laws.”

Yoguna Tagasaki, head of site selection for Toyota, issued a public statement about the news.  “Before Mississippi adopted the right shoe as its Official Shoe, frankly Toyota had eliminated it for consideration for our next mega-factory in the U.S.  But now the ball game has changed.  In our assessment, Mississippi has become a leader in the competition for the factory.  We seek a progressive environment and what could be more creative and progressive than the adoption of an Official Shoe.”

In response to Mississippi’s bold and seemingly successful action, at least twenty other states are now exploring adopting their own Official Shoe as part of the cutthroat business of attracting jobs.  Delaware is even considering the adoption of its Official Shoe, Glove, Sock, Baseball Bat, Word, Pretzel. Ice Cream, Color, Lego Piece, Cosmetic Surgery, and Garden Tool.

 

 

Boring Man Named Bob Changes Name to boB for Excitement

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Language, Leisure
Posted on 06-08-2012 | E-mail this to a friend

Topeville Kansas.  After being voted the Most Boring Man at the Factory, Bob Smith officially changed hs name to boB Smith to add some spice to his life.

Smith, a quiet 50 year-old man who had worked in the Utex Factory warehouse for 32 years, received the “honor” at the annual employees’ annual banquet where he was given a tee shirt memorializing the award. “Frankly, it hurt my feelings,” said Smith. “Then I decided that there may be a bit of truth in the award.  So I decided to take a bold step to electrify my image.  I went to court and had my first name changed to boB from Bob.”

“I think it helped,” he reported. “I have seen a slight change from how people react to me when I tell them my name is boB and ask them to use my new name instead of the boring “Bob.”  I even pronounce the new one differently, saying “My name is boB—uhh” to provide the proper emphasis on the last letter of my new name.”

An attractive co-worker, who asked to remain anonymous, told a reporter that the change has had a big impact at the warehouse.  “All the girls are talking about it and more than a few say that boB–uhh is a lot sexier than he used to be when he went by plain old Bob.” 

OLYMPIC GAMES RETURN TO ROOTS WITH WEIRD NEW GAMES

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Geography, History, Leisure, Sports
Posted on 10-11-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

ATHENS.  The International Olympics Committee today announced a major return to historical roots and added six traditional games and deleted four current groups of events.

The press release stated that the Committee decided to reinvigorate the Olympics by returning to the games that were played when the Olympics were first held in 776 BC.   “We must go back to our roots when the games were convened in Olympia in honor of Zeus,” said Hector Lopez for the Olympics Committee.

Starting in 2014, six new sports will be added:  killing someone, running from a tiger, getting impaled by a sword, drinking mead, getting revenge, and walking like a duck.

Because of time constraints, the following sports will no longer be sanctioned:  all track and field events, all events involving snow, and anything using a ball.

Lopez said proudly, “To further experience our origins, we will now start the games by sacrificing 100 oxen.  Our officials will use sundials to time the events and everyone, including swimmers, must wear a toga.  It will be a true renaissance!”

The world sporting community reacted enthusiastically to the changes.  “Track and field and skiing were getting boring,” said Woljkxwrr Bprwqthxbwz of the Polish Olympic Community.  “Our athletes are already beginning to train for the exciting new events.”

 

MCDONALD’S SOLVES WORLD HUNGER WITH GIANT BURGER CONTAINING 42,000 CALORIES

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Food, Human Body, Leisure
Posted on 04-11-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

Oak Brook, Ill.  McDonald’s announced today the invention of its Superdupergigantichugeburger, which is twenty-six inches tall and contains over 42,000 calories, and will literally reduce malnutrition throughout the world.

“In our quest to have McDonald’s provide an answer to food shortages around the world, our research team has long been working on a sandwich that would literally substitute for several months of food needs,” said Clipper Rotunda a spokesperson for McDonald’s.  “I am so proud to announce we have succeeded.  If a starving child or adult eats one of our Superdupergigantichugeburgers, he or she will not need any more food for at least sixty days.  Our preliminary research shows that newborn babies are especially fond of the taste of this delicious sandwich.”

World reaction was prompt and positive. A press release by the United Nations stated, “Rarely has a private company solved a pervasive international tragedy.  McDonald’s has done this.  We are now in the process of ordering twenty-two million Superedupergigantichugeburgers to relieve starvation of every man, woman and child in Eastern Africa .”

The news caused McDonald’s stock to soar because of projected massive purchases by the United Nations and McDonald’s outlets in Mississippi .

Though McDonald’s was vague in describing the new sandwich, sources within the McDonald research team reported it contained 32 pounds of meat, was 25 inches in diameter, and included 9 heads of lettuce, 14 onions, 67 pickle slices, and both ketchup and a secret mustard recipe.

 

VENTRILOQUIST PROJECTS OWN VOICE

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Arts, Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Language, Leisure
Posted on 25-01-2011 | E-mail this to a friend

Miami.  Ventriloquist Samuel “The Voice” Pether has finally perfected the art of projecting his own voice as if it were coming from his own mouth.

man alone on stage “I have been working on this my whole life,” said a proud Pether, an experienced ventriloquist who has performed throughout the world for almost forty years.  “I had gotten pretty good at the usual suspects:  JFK, DeNiro, Obama, John Wayne, and Cheney.  But I just couldn’t crack the ultimate challenge:  me!

 “At first,” he said, “I thought it would be impossible.  It is hard to hear yourself and especially hard to imitate your own voice.  I must have tried it a million times before I got it right.

 “My wife confirmed it.  She walked into the bathroom where I was rehearsing and told me I sounded just like myself.  I literally squealed with joy when she said it.  You can’t imagine how pleased I was. Now I can’t wait to hear what I have to say!”

Audiences have reacted enthusiastically to this part of Pether’s act.  At a recent performance, one man actually shouted “Bravo” and another wept when Pether spent five minutes imitating himself talking to himself about a dog they had in common. 

 “I have never seen anything like it,” said an admiring fiftyish woman who attended the performance.  “Simply stunning! Stunning.!”

WORKER TOO BUSY FOR FAST FOOD

Posted by Sullivan Lawson | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Business, Inventions, Leisure, Studies of the Rich
Posted on 20-11-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

burger and friesNew York.  Philip Begley, a lawyer with a large Wall Street law firm, is now too busy  for fast food.

“I used to eat fast food all the time,” said Begley.   “I loved hamburgers and Nathan’s hot dogs, but I am so overwhelmed that I just don’t have the time to get fast food.

“You have no idea how long it takes to get a quarter pounder, even if the store is not busy.  Last month I tried one more time but it took me almost two minutes to get my order. I don’t have that time to waste.”

McDonald’s issued a statement noting that “This is a serious issue that we have been aware of for several years.  Our staff is working on it night and day.  One thing we are addressing is how to get our food out much faster.  In this modern world, people just don’t have the luxury of waiting to get their fast food.

“One possibility, still in the early development stage, is to deliver our food over the internet and eventually through cell phones.  This could allow us to fill orders instantly and in the place where our busy customers are working.  Imagine how much time our patrons will save when we get over the minor technical hurdles that currently prevent us from delivering our food products over the internet or cell phone. 

“In the not too distant future you will be able to have a tasty McDonald’s hamburger or shake delivered to your cell phone and at a click of an app, the picture of the food will be reconstituted into the real thing.  Hot and delicious, as if we had just prepared it for you at one of our fine restaurants. We may even include an American flag with the order to symbolize American ingenuity!”

NORTH DAKOTA MAN ON FBI’S “LEAST WANTED LIST” FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Geography, History, Leisure
Posted on 18-11-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

Fargo, N.D.  Delmar Foxspin of rural North Dakota has just been placed on the FBI’s “Ten Least Wanted List” for the seventeenth consecutive year.

“I cannot tell you what an honor this is,” said an embarrassed Foxspin.  “Frankly, I have never done anything at all my entire life and I was shocked to receive this incredible news. 

“I have no family, no friends, no job, no address, no money, no car; nothing.  Who would have thought that someone like me from North Dakota would be selected by the FBI!  I am overwhelmed and so grateful.”

When contacted for information about the award, FBI wantedFBI Special Agent Valerie Thomas said “we cannot comment on official activities but I can tell you that we had many, many candidates this year and the choice was especially difficult.  You have no idea how many people there are who no one cares about and have never done anything interesting.”

“Mr. Foxspin’s repeated placement on this list is remarkable since it is so hard to do absolutely nothing for an entire year.   I hope school children throughout the world will take him as a role model. With more people like him the world would be a far safer place.”

CHINESE FINALLY INVENT CHOPKNIFE TO GO WITH CHOPSTICKS

Posted by Tracy West | Posted in Geography, History, Inventions, Leisure
Posted on 18-11-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

Beijing.  After 1700 years of experimentation, Chinese scientists have just completed Phase One work on a chopknife to be used with chopsticks.

The chopstick was invented several thousand years ago by Chinese peasants who needed something to eat with other than their hands, which were dirty from working in sweatshops making designer apparel for the upscale American market.

These wooden chopsticks are still used throughout the world in Chinese restaurants and even in China proper, despite the invention of the metal fork, spoon, and knife.

Chinese intellectuals have long recognized the need for other items to supplement the use of chopsticks which are not very good for chopping, cutting, or consuming soup. Yesterday’s announcement that a chopknife was invented brought cheers from millions of chopstick enthusiasts.

The prototype chopknife is made of wood and is designed to cut meat and other block of wooditems.  Unfortunately, the first version is a large square block of wood three inches on each side with a small hole in it. Early test results indicate it has limited cutting utility.  One scholar, who insisted on anonymity,  suggested that this could be because it has no cutting surface.

Professor Ming Chang who announced the technological breakthrough, noted that “we are aware that the first model of the chopknife has some minor functional problems but our research team fully expects to work them out in the next few years. 

“Until then,” said Professor Chang, “people may find that the chopknife is very useful for pounding and squashing and the little hole in it can be used for storing tiny things.                                                     

“Our team is also working on a chopstick-like implement to be used for consuming soup.  Our initial model is a hollow chopstick that can be used as both a straw for liquids like soup and beer as well as a traditional chopstick for eating solid food.  We will keep the world apprised of our progress.”

ARMY ISSUES SNUGGIES TO ALL SOLDIERS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Inventions, Leisure
Posted on 20-04-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

Washington, DC.  The Department of the Army today announced that starting early next year it would issue camouflage Snuggies, the fleece blanket with sleeves, to all soldiers stationed anywhere in the world.

“The Army has been looking for the UCO (Universal Clothing Option) for years and finally found it a few months ago when one of our soldiers, Specialist Molly Drake, saw an ad on television and alerted her commanding officer who, in turn, contacted the Pentagon’s Office of Procurement,” said a statement issued by the Army’s Public Relations Bureau.

Fashion_Snuggie_Reyn4_t607“We have now ordered three million camouflage Snuggies and got a terrific deal:  two for the price of one plus shipping and handling!  The Snuggies will keep our fighting men and women warm while allowing their hands to be free for hand-to-hand combat.   The Snuggie is also big enough to allow the soldier to keep a weapon underneath the cloth, thereby hiding it from both the enemy and the elements.  Plus, the Snuggie is soft and will be good for morale as it will remind our brave soldiers of the teddy bear they snuggled with as infants. And they can even use it as a blanket or mattress when sleeping!”

“I love my Snuggie,” said Captain William Feld of the Special Forces.  “I can’t wait until the battle is over so I can cuddle up with my favorite book and my Snuggie.  Finally the Army got something right!”

STUDIES OF THE RICH: BEING RICH IS EXPENSIVE

Posted by Sullivan Lawson | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Leisure, Studies of the Rich
Posted on 19-04-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

Chicago.  A new study by the University of Chicago’s Affluence Project concluded that it is expensive to be really rich.

Economics Professor Vitaly Thomford reported on the Affluence Project’s ten-year study of the Very Rich, defined as having a net worth of over $25 million.  The Project was seeking unique patterns of behavior that distinguish the Very Rich from the Rich (defined as having a net worth between $3-25 million).

After an exhaustive review of 9000 Very Rich people, the study found that these people spent a lot of money.  “The rich-personshort version,” according to Professor Thomford, “is that it costs a lot of money to be very rich.  For example, one very wealthy man bought a car worth over $100,000, another bought a home for over $3 million, and one person in our study even did both of these.  Only rarely will you see the ordinary person spend money this way.”

The study created quite a buzz among economists worldwide.  Dr. Thomford’s name was even mentioned by several scholars as a possible Nobel Prize candidate.  “You don’t see insight like this every day,” said Professor Orito Nagamuchi of Tokyo University.

OLYMPICS ADD REVENGE AS SPORT FOR SUMMER GAMES

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, History, Leisure
Posted on 22-03-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

Lausanne, Switzerland.  In a close vote, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) approved revenge as an official event for the 2012 London Olympics.

 “The IOC is committed to increasing diversity among Olympic participants,” said olympicsJacques Rogge, IOC President.  “Since revenge is part of virtually every culture on earth, we thought that adding this sport would encourage people ordinarily excluded from Olympic involvement to train and enter the competition and have the incredible experience of being an Olympic athlete.”

Reaction to the announcement was overwhelmingly positive and seemed to indicate that the goal of improving diversity may materialize. “Nothing represents peace and international understanding more than the Olympic tradition,” said Lorena Bobbit who once cut off her husband’s penis as revenge for raping her.  “I know a lot about revenge and am thinking seriously of trying out for the American revenge team.”  Prisoner # 98329 (name withheld for privacy reasons) issued a statement saying that he had “committed at least 43 revenge killings and is very well qualified to represent America in the London games.” 

A Los Angeles gang banger, known as “El Knifo,” also indicated an interest in becoming an Olympian.  An unnamed Serbian, charged with crimes against humanity by the International Criminal Tribunal, spoke through an intermediary and expressed a hope that “bygones would be bygones” and he would be welcomed into the Olympic Community as a representative of his country.  Nineteen scorned women from various countries have also expressed a desire to join their respective nations’ teams.

MORNING OFFICIALLY CHANGED TO AFTERNOON

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Inventions, Leisure
Posted on 18-03-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

LONDON. After over a hundred years of debate and scientific studies, today the International Time Compact was amended by all 188 member countries to swap the morning and afternoon in order to make it easier for people to get up, especially after a late night of reveling or working.

The idea was pioneered by Sasha Kadamian, a Londoner known for her wild parties that lasted well into the morning.  She kept a detailed diary and discovered that after a late party clockwhen she slept until the early afternoon she was not nearly as drowsy during the rest of the day as when she got up at her usual time of 6:30 A.M.  Realizing that a simple switch of mornings and afternoons would essentially mean that most everyone would get up in the afternoon instead of the morning, she began a campaign to officially switch the two times.

Over time, a worldwide movement developed and an official petition was filed  requesting a change in the International Time Compact that governs the clocks of every country in the world.  The effort crowned its success today and was heralded throughout the world.

“I cannot think of a more significant development,” said Dr. Malcom Townsend, the world’s leading expert on sleep.  “This simple step will cure at least half of the sleep problems we doctors face every day.  The literature has long shown that people who get a long sleep and rise in the afternoon are less tired than those who sleep less and get up early in the morning.  With this switch, they can get up at 1:00 PM and be wide awake when they start the morning later in the day.”

The National Economic Council estimated that the change would add more than a trillion dollars of productivity as workers become more efficient in the morning.

NEW YORK TEEN SETS RECORD BY SAYING “LIKE” 17 TIMES IN ONE MINUTE

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Leisure
Posted on 25-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

 UPPER RIDGE, NY–Sharon Selby is a cute 15 year old sophomore at Upper Ridge High School and was shocked when notified that she had set the international record for saying the word “like” 17 times in a 60-second period during a telephone chat with her best friend, Melody Fancher.

 “Like I had no, like, idea, you know, that Sharon was so famous,” said Fancher. teen girl with braces “It was like a usual conversation.  She said to me, like are you going to the game?  I said, like, yes.  Hello!  Like you know I go.   Like I go to all the games, you know.  She just seemed to me like normal.  You know. She’s like so cool. Like everybody likes her.”

 Brad Kurst, speaking for the Guiness Book of Records, said that Selby’s achievement eclipsed the previous record by three “likes” and was a “notable achievement.”  “She must have practiced a lot,” noted Kurst.  “I doubt if anyone will ever top this record since we disqualify people who stutter.  She almost said ‘like’ every three seconds!”

HISTORIANS FIND PEOPLE INVOLVED IN SEX AS EARLY AS 1930

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, History, Human Body, Leisure, Nature, Religion, Sex Matters
Posted on 23-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

AUSTIN,TX.  A research team at the University of Texas has completed a four year study of human behavior and found that human beings had sex as early as 1930.

male female“The accepted view was that people engaged in sex only after World War II when soldiers returned from the front feeling a bit frisky,” said Dr. Oliver Ridings, principal researcher on the federally funded project. “Before that time, the academic community was unanimous in concluding that no one had thought of the idea of having sex.  It was just something that had never dawned on people, like using the computer or Michael Jordan.”

“But our research shows this to be in error.  People actually had man-woman sex as early as 1930.  We researched millions of documents, interviewed thousands of people, and even examined artwork in major galleries.  The conclusion is a slam dunk.”

Not all experts agree.  Dr. William Plank of Princeton’s Sexual Behavior Laboratory said, “It is far too early to reach the conclusions that Dr. Ridings did.  Although his research is important and could turn out to be accurate, much more data are needed before the entire course of history is revised to reflect this new information.”

Dr. Ridings said his team was now involved in exhuming bodies of people buried in the 1920’s and would apply new statistical techniques to assess whether the decomposed bodies had engaged in sexual activity during their lifetime.

The Texas research has led some internationally renowned scholars to suggest that Dr. Ridings may well be on his way to winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine for his stunning work.

Some religious leaders have expressed horror at the Texas results.  Pastor Elrod Given of the Faith United Baptist Church in Bel Aire, Mississippi, issued a statement condemning the Texas data as inconsistent with the Bible.

“How could it be possible that people engaged in that kind of stuff before 1930 when only a few years before that time Eve emerged from Adam’s body rather than from that kind of stuff?  If people were doing that kind of stuff, don’t you think Eve would have been born rather than fashioned from Adam’s body?” asked Pastor Given.

NEW RESEARCH: BEER TASTES BETTER THAN URINE

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Human Body, Leisure
Posted on 23-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

beer-glassANN ARBOR.  New research from the University of Michigan found that most people think that beer tastes better than urine, despite the similarity in appearance.

 “We gave double blind tests to 670 undergraduate psychology students and the results were surprising: overall 82% preferred the taste of beer to that of urine,” reported Dr. Maynard Curry, head of the psychology department. 

 “We expected beer to win, but not by this margin.  And it didn’t seem to matter which beer was tested or who or what was the source of the urine.  Why beer was even selected over cat urine by 54% of the participants, and everyone knows that cat urine is special.”

“The only test where urine won was when the beer was Foster’s Light and the urine came from a monkey that had been raised on organic fruits,” reported Dr. Curry.  “The monkey urine was preferred by 72% of the participants.”

 Members of the Beer Producer’s Association issued a statement praising the research.  Evans Special Lager, a  beer made by a small brewery in White Plains, NY,  and one involved in the Michigan research, has already begun an advertising campaign using the slogan: “We Are Even Better than Wee Wee.”

BOY INVENTS NEW GAME: HIDE

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Behavioral Psychology, Inventions, Leisure
Posted on 19-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

hide and seekST. LOUIS.  Ben Greenberg, a three-year-old prodigy,  invented a new game called Hide which is sweeping his day care program and is likely to reach international recognition within the year.

 Greenberg, a short tike with a friendly smile, invented the game while playing with his grandfather, Jack Lampert.  The youngster told his grandfather to hide, then returned to his perch on the couch watching Sesame Street and fell asleep.

 Five hours later his grandfather yelled “you win” and emerged to find young Ben watching reruns of Saturday Night Live.

“It was really fun to play Hide with Ben,” said the proud grandfather.  “We can interact on a far higher level than we did when we just played Hide and Seek.  Frankly, Hide and Seek got boring after a few hours, but Hide maintains its interest for hours and hours.  I hate to brag, but Ben is really good at the game,”  beamed Lampert.

 “When Ben told me to hide, I ran to the guest bedroom and sat on the closet floor and wondered what Ben was doing,” said Lampert.  “It was really fun and creative.”

 Dr. Bertran Homberg, head of Child Psychiatry at Washington University Medical School, praised the new invention as providing “a terrific way to assist children develop the emotional facets of their brain.  It is impossible to think of a child playing Hide who does not grow intellectually as well as physiologically from the challenge it presents.”

 Some of the largest board game manufacturers in the world are now engaged in negotiations with Ben and his parents over the rights to market the new phenomenon, often likened to the Rubik’s Cube or Sudoku in terms of its international possibilities.

FAKE LAUGH ACTORS STRIKE, STOPPING SITCOM PRODUCTIONS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Arts, Bushisms, Leisure, Tragedies
Posted on 16-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

 old-man-laughingLOS ANGELES.  The International Brotherhood of Fake Laugh Artists began a strike that stopped production of all sitcoms and caused the stock market to plunge.

 The fake laugh artists contract expired at midnight two weeks ago and the union’s members voted yesterday to begin an immediate strike.  The key issue is residuals for reruns.  Union members, who provide the fake laughs that are an integral part of every sitcom, seek pay equal to that of the major actors in the sitcoms.

 Reacting to the strike, all sitcoms ceased production and the world stock market retreated an average of 20%.  Criminologists in the United States and Bangladesh have expressed concerns  that the lack of sitcoms on nightly television could result in a substantial increase in crime and may even boost the birth rate as people no longer want to watch television for several hours every night.

 Union officials said the strike was long overdo.  “The truth is,” said union president Fay Anderson, “that the actors who perform the fake laughs for sitcoms are every bit as talented as the actors who recite the lines in front of the cameras.  We are the ones who make the sitcoms funny and worth watching.”

 “Without us,” continued Anderson, “the jokes and sketches on sitcoms would not be the least bit hilarious.”  “Plus,” she said, “how would people even know that they had been told a joke or pun or seen something really funny without our talented union members?”

 Speaking for the Association of Sitcom Producers, Gerald Pitler disagreed.  “I admit that the actors who provide fake laughs are very talented and skilled, but I do think they should be paid the same as the principal actors on the sitcoms.  Are they actually saying that someone who does fake laughter for the Seinfeld program should be compensated the same as Jerry Seinfeld?”

 Because of the national impact of the strike, President Bush has offered the services of federal mediators to resolve it.  At his weekly press conference, President Bush said,  “I think the performers and the laughers should get together and solutionate this problem.  We must not forget that our brave men and women in Iraq and other combative places need sitcoms to relieve the tension of being in a tense place.”

CURIOUS GEORGE NO LONGER CURIOUS

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Animals, Arts, Leisure, Literature, Tragedies
Posted on 16-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

NEW YORK.  The author of the Curious George set of books for children has concluded that his character, Curious George, has become so attached to video games that he is no longer curious.

 H.A. Rey, the author of the hugely successful series of children’s booksCuriousGeorge involving an animal named Curious George, announced through a publicist, Ivina Dothard,  that Curious George has somehow lost his sense of awe and curiosity.  Rey attributed the unfortunate change to the animal-formerly-known-as-Curious-George’s addiction to video games. 

 Now, according to Dothard, Curious George is only interested in violence and has become so mean-spirited that he is no longer suitable for children’s books.  “He spaces out all the time and growls when children walk by,”  reported Dothard.  Rey and others are looking into the possibility of changing the audience of the series from children to mentally disturbed adults bent on violence.

MAN WRITES RACHMANIOFF’S RHAPSODY ON A THEME OF PAGININI

Posted by Farkley Bugg | Posted in Arts, Leisure
Posted on 15-02-2010 | E-mail this to a friend

COSBY, TENNESSEE.  Fletcher Baldwin, a previously unknown piano tuner-farmer, has just completed composing Rachmaninoff’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paginini and is already heralded as the next world’s greatest composer.

 Baldwin, who had never written anything related to music, country manother than creative lyrics for the classic Happy Birthday to You song that was sung for his 11-year-old daughter Ella, composed Rachmaninoff’s Rhapsody over a weekend last summer.

 “It just came to me,”he said.  “It had been going around in my head for a couple of days so I decided, what the heck. At first I thought it was a country music song.  I really dig country music.”

 Dr. Roberto Kotay, head of the Piano Department at the famed Juilliard School of Music in Manhattan, examined Baldwin’s piece carefully and proclaimed it to be “identical in every way with the beautiful Rhapsody by Rachmaninoff.”

 “The existence of two absolutely identical piano concerti of this superb quality will cause generations of pianists to fret over which version to play.   “I guess I am enough of a traditionalist to prefer the Rachmaninoff version,” said Dr. Kotay, “but the Baldwin version is equally as beautiful.”

 When contacted on his Cosby chicken farm, Baldwin reported he was humbled by all the attention he had received and decided he would continue composing classical piano music.  “I am now deciding whether to continue composing Rachmaninoff pieces, such as the Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No.3, or to move on to something even more challenging, such as Mendelssohn’s Wedding March from A Midsummer’s Night Dream.”

 It is a fair statement to say that the music world is awaiting this decision with the greatest anticipation.

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